R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
