trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
