can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
