Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
