just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
