im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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