Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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