May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
