Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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