Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
