This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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