he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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