Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
COCAINE IS GR8
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
