There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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