I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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