this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
