I wannas sexs uuuuu
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
