We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
