Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
