the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
