My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize