also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize