I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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