its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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