airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
