there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
