Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
