Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
