How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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