I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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