Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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