I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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