so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
