Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize