I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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