i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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