Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My pussy is not your playground.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
