I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
