i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
