Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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