Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
