this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Mom said you looked used
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
