hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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