apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
