First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
