Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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