I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
