worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
