Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize