you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
