Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
