I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
