You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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