There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Buhtt sex?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
