Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All the doctor said was why
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
