never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Two words: nipple clamps
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