So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
