tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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