pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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