He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
