Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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