you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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