if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
