I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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