I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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