Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
