I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
