tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize