I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
