Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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