He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
