This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
