so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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