I faked an abortion last night.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
