I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
