He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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